


Fear in the Shadows

by the_scarlet_01



Category: 9-1-1 (TV)
Genre: Angst with a Happy Ending, Fear of Death, M/M, Prompt Fill, Some bad language, Tumblr Prompt, medical scare, mentions of cancer and other health issues
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-11-30
Updated: 2019-11-30
Packaged: 2021-02-25 22:46:49
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,470
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21613261
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/the_scarlet_01/pseuds/the_scarlet_01
Summary: Based on the Prompt: Buck is isolated and shunned after the lawsuit fiasco so when he starts to feel weird. He goes for a check up and doctors find a shadow on his lung or liver and tell him he needs a biopsy. A terrified Buck keeps this to himself, feeling that he can't go to the team because they're all so mad at him. On the day of the biopsy Athena happens to be at the hospital and sees Buck being wheeled in for the procedure. She is horrified and then furious as she goes to the team. They rush to Buck.
Relationships: Athena Grant/Bobby Nash, Evan "Buck" Buckley & Bobby Nash, Evan "Buck" Buckley & Henrietta "Hen" Wilson, Evan "Buck" Buckley & Howie "Chimney" Han, Evan "Buck" Buckley & Maddie Buckley, Evan "Buck" Buckley/Eddie Diaz
Comments: 20
Kudos: 858
Collections: 9-1-1 Tales





	Fear in the Shadows

**Author's Note:**

> Unbeta'd  
> They don’t exactly rush, as much as I wanted them too, I think they all needed some time to deal, just trust me on this.  
> Edited 12/5/19   
> Thanks @iceshade for the help.

Buck had a cough he couldn’t shake. He thought it was the leftovers from a persistent cold. When it wouldn’t go away, and his sister wouldn’t let him ignore it he decided to make an appointment.

“This spot, Mr. Buckley, is what we are concerned about.” The doctor pointed at a cloudy spot on the X-ray of Buck’s lungs that was on the screen.

“We would like to schedule some further testing so we can get a better idea of what we are dealing with.”

“What kind of tests?” Buck asked, fingers digging into the paper covered cushion he was sitting on to keep his hands from shaking.

“CT and PET scan to start, then if needed we’ll look into a bronchoscopy and lung biopsy. That should give us an idea of what we are dealing with and if we need to refer you to a specialist.”

“Like an oncologist.” Buck stated.

“If it comes to that, yes.” The doctor nodded. “But there are a number of things that can cause this sort of image on an x-ray, cancer is one, but they are also caused by pleural effusion, pulmonary edema, tuberculosis, even benign tumors.” The doctor tried to reassure the firefighter, but none of those sounded much better than cancer. “Given your profession and your medical history it could be damage from smoke inhalation or broken ribs. We wont know until we do the testing.”

“Alright, lets schedule it.”

Buck was absolutely exhausted when he dragged himself into work the next morning. He’d gotten about two hours of sleep. He’d spent all night doing research and trying not to panic. It hadn’t worked. He was on autopilot as he changed into his uniform. He went up to grab a cup of coffee. Not even looking at the people around him. He got his coffee and went to sit in a quiet corner. No one would bother him. No one ever did. No one would say hello. No one would sit down for a chat. No one asked him how his day off was. They didn’t care. He just stared out the window, coughing every now and again, rubbing at his chest as he did. Not even really drinking his coffee. He sat like that until Bobby shouted at him that the ladder truck needed cleaning before their next call.

His next shift he was in the middle of cleaning the kitchen when his phone rang. He stepped out and was gone for over an hour. When he came back he spent five minutes being berated for vanishing during a shift. No one seemed to notice the his red rimmed eyes or the way his hands shook slightly. He didn’t tell them that he’d just gotten news that the scans showed a tumor in his lungs. He was set for a biopsy in a week. He knocked on Bobby’s office door.

“What do you want Buckley?”

“I…I know it is short notice but I need to take next Wednesday off.”

“You couldn’t even give me a week to find someone to take your shift?” Bobby shook his head.

“I only just found out that-,” Buck almost let it slip that he was sick. “I just got the call telling me I needed to be off. Sorry, Cap.” Buck was trying so hard to keep it together.

“Sorry doesn’t help the fact someone is going to have to work a double now. You have your day off.” Bobby waved a dismissal. Buck ran out of the office. He locked himself in the bathroom and sobbed. He wanted to tell Bobby, but Bobby already saw him a burden, this would only make it worse. He couldn’t tell anyone. They’d look at him like he was weaker than he already was. He wanted to call Maddie, but she had her own problems. She didn’t need this on her shoulders. No, he wouldn’t tell her until he knew something for sure. He was alone again.

Athena had swung by the hospital to check on a friend who had a son getting his tonsils out. She froze in her tracks when she saw a very familiar man being wheeled back towards the surgical suites. She wanted to go running after him. She wanted to grab a nearby nurse and ask a thousand questions. Her badge might get her a few answers, but the one thing she couldn’t do was leave now. She pulled her phone out and called her husband.

“Hi honey, now’s not a great time, we’re a man down for a few hour and-“

She didn’t let her husband finish. “I know. I just saw them wheeling Buck into surgery.”

“What?” Bobby had to take a seat on the back of the truck that his team had been checking after the call they had just returned from. “He’s in surgery?” The question had his team hurrying over.

“You didn’t know?” Athena found that hard to believe.

“No, he…he just asked for the day off. Is Maddie there?” The question got a reaction from his team. Eddie had to reach out to stead himself against the truck. Chim grabbed his phone and called Maddie.

“Haven’t seen her,” Athena answered.

“Did you see him? Which ER is he at?” Bobby asked.

“That’s just it. This isn’t an ER.” Athena stated. “This is an outpatient center.”

“What?” Bobby couldn’t believe what he was hearing. He hadn’t bothered to ask Buck why he wanted the time off. He had been too busy telling him how inconvenient it was. Bobby was kicking himself now.

“Maddie has no idea what is going on but she’s on her way.” Chim said as he approached.

“Chim says Maddie didn’t know.” Bobby told his wife.

“Why wouldn’t he tell anyone?” Athena asked.

“I…I’m not sure.” Bobby answered. He had a feeling that it was because they hadn’t exactly been kind to Buck since he got back after the lawsuit.

“Well, I’m going to wait here for Maddie.” Athena said, “I’ll call you when I know more.”

“Okay, thanks.” They exchange a quick goodbye and Bobby hung up his phone.

“Let me get this clear, Buck isn’t here because he’s having surgery?” Hen wanted to make sure they were all on the same page.

“It appears so.” Bobby frowned.

About two hours later Athena came storming into the station. “What the hell is wrong with all of you?!”

Bobby’s head snapped up when he heard his wife’s angry voice as she entered the loft. “What wrong?” Bobby asked as he stood up from the couch he’d been sitting on.

“A hell of a lot is wrong. Now answer my question. How the hell did Evan Buckley get that sick and none of you noticed? What the hell did you do that had him thinking facing down a lung biopsy by himself would be preferable than telling anyone?”

“He…what?” Bobby had to sit back down.

“A biopsy,” She repeated, glaring at them all. “As in that boy might have lung cancer, biopsy.”

Eddie nearly threw up. “No…no, no, no.” Eddie said, burying his head in his hands. He’d just lost Shannon. He couldn’t lose his best friend too. Hen sat down beside Eddie and put a hand on the man’s shoulder. 

“How the hell did two paramedics, a field medic, and the captain of this squad not notice the fact that that boy looks like he’s half a second away from coughing up a lung?” Athena put her hands on her hips. When no one answered she wanted to slap them. “Nothing to say for yourselves?” She looked at Chimney. “You have any idea how upset Maddie is? Her brother might literally be dying, and he was so worried about making you all see him as weak that he didn’t even tell her. So I am going to ask you all, one more time, what the hell is going on?”

“Things haven’t been easy since the lawsuit.” Bobby admitted.

“What did you do?” Athena turned to glare at her husband.

Bobby sighed. “I’ve had him on chore duty and keeping him off calls.”

“We didn’t know because he doesn’t talk to us anymore.” Hen said.

“And why is that?” Athena asked.

“Because we haven’t been talking to him.” Chim admitted.

“Or including him in anything.” Hen added. “Even meals.”

“So you all were just letting the sick kid waste away to nothing because you couldn’t get past a damn lawsuit that he dropped?” Athena pinched the bridge of her nose. “You were so angry you didn’t notice that he was coughing so hard he was in physical pain? Even after we all watched him cough up blood and collapse. You all didn’t even notice?” Athena was livid. She’d scrubbed the blood off the patio herself. And they hadn’t notice any red flags that he was sick again. “You know what. I have my answer. Your heads were so far up your own asses that you couldn’t even see your teammate might be dying.” She shook her head. “You better hope he doesn’t have cancer or an aneurysm. You better hope that he can come back from this, because you owe him so much more than a deathbed apology or worse, a eulogy.” With that the police sergeant left.

Eddie choked back a sob. She was right. They could lose him and it would be their own fault. He loved his best friend, and now he might not get the chance to make things right. Even if they did, it still might be too late. He failed. He’d told Buck he’d have his back and he failed again. What the hell was he going to tell Christopher if they lose Buck? How could he tell his son that he’d lost weeks of what might be a very limited amount of time with someone he loved because his dad was too petty to get past his anger? This would break Christopher, Eddie too. They could lose him after almost losing him so many times. What if it was bad, what if they had been able to catch it sooner if they had just been paying attention? Eddie would never forgive himself if they lost him because he was too busy being angry to notice his best friend was sick. He let out another sob.

“Shhhh.” Hen hugged him, but what she said next had him pushing himself up off the couch. “Eddie, it’ll be-“

“Don’t.” Eddie cut her off. “It’s not. This is not okay!”

“Eddie,” Bobby cautioned.

“She’s right. We didn’t see he was dying!” Eddie shouted.

“He isn’t-“ Bobby started to correct him.

“If it was bad enough to need a biopsy, it isn’t good.” Eddie spat. “And we didn’t see it. How could we not notice cancer? Cancer!” Eddie pressed his palms into his eyes to try and force back the tears. “Some team we are.”

No one said anything for what felt like hours. Chim tried to call Maddie a few times but the call was sent to voicemail every time.

The moment his shift was over Bobby went to Buck’s apartment. He wasn’t surprised when an angry Maddie opened the door.

“You have some nerve showing up here.” Maddie was tempted to slam the door in the captain’s face. She was furious with the entire 118.

“I know, I never should have let it get as bad as it did. I should have ended it sooner. Hell, it never should have happened.” Bobby hadn’t felt this guilty since he lost his family. He just kept ruining the good things he had. His wife was mad at him. May and Harry looked at Buck like a sibling, and they’d be upset if they knew. Bobby hated himself. “I need to apologize. If he doesn’t want to come back to work with us, that’s fine. I’ll make sure he gets transferred somewhere nice. I just… I can’t let the last thing I say to him have been part a stupid fight, not again. I…”

“Fine.” Maddie sighed, stepping aside. “He’s in watching TV. I’ll be in the kitchen.” Bobby nodded and headed towards the living area of the open space. Buck visibly tensed when he saw his boss approach, clearly bracing himself to get yelled at. It broke Bobby’s heart. He’d treated the kid so bad that just seeing Bobby caused fear to take over the younger man’s features and he could practically see his lungs heaving and struggling.

“Cap, I know, I should have told you, but…” Buck started to say but ended up having a coughing fit. Bobby rushed over to try and help him. He didn’t know how but he was going to at least keep Buck from falling off the couch.

“Easy, kid.” Bobby held Buck upright as best he could. Letting the younger man’s shaking form rest against him. “You didn’t do anything wrong, okay? You didn’t. I did. I failed you again. I was so worried about losing you that I pushed you away and nearly lost you anyways. I am so sorry, Buck. I need you to know that. When Athena called and said you were in surgery it was it was like losing my kids all over again.” Bobby felt tears start to fall.

“But I’m right here.” Buck tried to reassure him. “I’m still here.”

“I know, but…” Bobby started to say that he might still lose him.

“But nothing,” Buck said. “I didn’t survive that stupid truck, just to give up now.”

“God, I am so sorry.” Bobby hugged Buck.

Buck hugged him back. “Me too.”

“No, Buck.” Bobby pulled away but kept a hold on Buck’s shoulders. “You have nothing to apologize for. I started this. If I had just talked to you we could have worked it out. I just didn’t want you to get mad at me, and then I ended up hurting you and you ended up mad anyway. And then I got mad, and I let the crew get mad. I should have been mad at that lawyer, not you. I did this.”

“No, Bobby-“ Buck tried to argue but Bobby wasn’t going to let that happen.

“You just wanted to come back to work, and I was afraid, and I should have just talked to you.” Bobby squeezed the younger man’s shoulder. “And then I let the others ignore you and treat you terribly. That is all on me. I should have been looking out for you and I failed. You were sick and we didn’t notice, because we were too busy punishing you for my stupidity. I just hope you can forgive me someday.”

“Already forgiven.” Buck smiled sadly. “I just wanted to get my family back. If this means I might actually get that, then I’m happy.”

“Buck, you’ve always had us, we were just being assholes. The entire time you were gone the station felt wrong. It was too quiet. Everyone missed you so much. Then we nearly lost you again and as much as we missed you we didn’t want to be selfish and have you come back too early and lose you. What we did was stupid. We hurt you, then we hurt you again, and again. Then today, when Athena came to the station and told us what was going on everyone was a mess. Hen and Chimney barely spoke the rest of the shift. Eddie was a wreck.”

“Eddie,” Just saying his name made Buck’s heart hurt. He missed his best friend so much. “Is he okay?”

Bobby smiled fondly. “He’s okay, he’s just worried about you.”

The two of them talked for awhile, Maddie eventually brought dinner out for everyone. When Bobby left he felt lighter, felt better than he had in months. He ran home grabbed a few thing, gave his wife a kiss and explained his plan to her. Her anger at him easing when he told her he’d checked on Buck, they were in a better place and that he was going to make sure the team did the same, starting with Eddie. She’d agreed that was a good start and sent him on his way. That was how Bobby found himself holding a duffle bag and knocking on Eddie’s door.

“Cap? What are you doing here?” Eddie asked, confused as to why his captain was at his door. Eddie stepped aside to let Bobby in. 

“I’m here to look after Christopher for the night,” Bobby smiled. “Because there is somewhere you need to be.”

“Bobby, I don’t think that’s a good idea.” Eddie shook his head. As much as he wanted to go see Buck, he didn’t think Buck would want to see him. He’d treated him so terribly. He failed him and pushed him away. Eddie was probably the last person Buck wanted to see.

“I do.” Bobby shrugged off his jacket, making it clear he wasn’t leaving. “I was just there, Eddie.”

“You went to see him?” Eddie asked quickly. “Is he okay? How did he look?”

Bobby smiled. “He looks tired and underweight, but he’s in for the fight, Eddie. He hasn’t given up yet. He just wants to be able to come home. And now he can. But you want to know the one thing he asked?” Eddie nodded, prompting Bobby to continue. “He asked if you were okay.”

“What?” Eddie stared at his captain.

“I told him that everyone was upset about when we found out he was sick. I told him we were all a mess, but he wanted to make sure you were okay. So now I’m here to look after your son, so you can show him that everything is okay. Because it will be okay, no matter what happens we are going to be there for him. He wont go through it alone. So go, tell him you still have his back and aren’t going anywhere, okay?”

Eddie worried at his lip as he thought about it. “Okay, yeah.” He nodded before heading towards his son’s room, gesturing for Bobby to follow him. Eddie went in and knelt beside the chair his son was sitting in as he was drawing. “Hey bud, I have to go somewhere, but Bobby’s going to look after you tonight. Is that okay?” Christopher nods. Eddie smiled. “Okay, love you, bud, I’ll see you in the morning.” Eddie kissed the top of his son’s head when he stood up.

“Bye dad.” Christopher said before turning back to his drawing. Eddie gave Bobby a quick rundown of Christopher’s routine as Eddie gathered everything he needed in order to leave and tossed them into his duffle bag. Eddie was just wrapping up as he grabbed his keys.

“He likes to try and do things on his own, it’s hard to watch him struggle with the little things sometimes, but he knows he can ask for help if he needs it.”

“I’m not going anywhere, if he needs help I’m here. So try not to worry too much. He’s a good kid. I’m sure we’ll have a good time.” Bobby grinned. “Now go see your best friend.”

“Thanks, Bobby.” Eddie says as he heads out the door.

Eddie took a deep breath and knocked on the door. Maddie pulled the door open but instead of letting Eddie in right away she stepped out into the hall with him, pulling the door mostly closed behind her. “I swear if you so much as raise your voice at him, I will throw your ass out.”

“I wont, I promise.” Eddie held his hands up in defense.

“Good.” She pushed the door open and let him inside. “He’s upstairs. He’s had a long day.”

Eddie took a second to calm himself and headed up the stairs. Buck looked up from where he was propped up on pillows when he reached the top of the stairs. Buck’s eyes went wide.

“Eddie, what…”

“I came to make sure you’re okay.” Eddie said as he dropped his duffle near the wall, and shrugged off his jacket, dropping it on the duffle.

“I’m fine, Eddie. Really, it’s just a test it-“

“Not just a test,” Eddie said as he took off his boots. “It’s a life changing diagnosis.” Eddie pointed out. He set his boot aside.

“What are you doing?“ Buck asked as Eddie went around to the other side of the bed and moved to sit on the bed beside his best friend. Buck wondered for a minute if he was dreaming. Eddie hadn’t talked to him in weeks, and now he was in his bed, albeit on top of the bedding, but he was still there, in Buck’s bed.

“Can we talk?” Eddie asked, turning so he could look at his best friend.

Buck sighed. “If you guys didn’t think I was dying would you even be talking to me? Because if that is all this is, door’s that way.” Buck gestured towards the stairs.

Eddie winced. “Okay, I deserved that and honestly, I don’t know the answer to that. I’ve wanted to talk to you, I just didn’t know how. Then Bobby gets this call saying you’re in surgery and all I can think about is a spiraling list of what ifs and trying to figure out what I missed. A lot, I missed a lot for dumb reasons. I was so angry with myself that I hadn’t seen that something was wrong. Then Athena came to yell at us and” Eddie looked closely at his best friend and something inside of him shattered. “I- god Buck, I thought I was going to throw up. She said you looked so sick and now I’m looking at you and-”

“Yeah, I know, I look like shit, you spend weeks alone wondering if you’re about to get a medical death sentence, and end up not looking like this.” Buck said bitterly. And Eddie couldn’t take it. He moved closer and wrapped his arms around Buck, burying his face in the younger man’s side.

“Fuck, I failed you. I am so sorry. You needed me and I wasn’t here. I am so damn sorry. I was wrapped up in my own shit and I didn’t see how much you were hurting. Please, Buck, I can’t lose you. I can’t. I thought it would be easier if I pushed you away but it wasn’t. It hurt like hell. It hurt you. It hurt Christopher. And nothing I can do can change the fact I fucked up. I am so sorry.” It all came out a bit mumbled and half sobbed, but he hoped Buck could understand him.

“Shhh, Eds.” Buck ran his hand through Eddie’s hair. “It’s okay. I forgive you, okay. I could never stay mad at you, especially after today. I wont lie, it hurt thinking that everyone was just trying to make it right in case I died, but it’s okay.”

“No it’s not.” Eddie lifted his head so he could look at Buck. “I love you so damn much and now it might be too late. If I had just stopped being a dick when you came back, we might have-“ He was cut off when Buck’s lips crashed against his, it didn’t last long though, Buck had something to say.

“It’s not too late. Okay? You think I’m going to just give up now? Do you think I want to leave you guys? Do you think I want to leave Chris? No, I thought about him crying over me and I just…I can’t. So whatever this is I have to beat it. I’m not giving up without a fight.” Buck smiled. “And I love you too, Eddie, have for a long time.” Eddie gave him another kiss, but it was cut short when Buck started coughing. Eddie had to squash the panic that was rising in him and jumped into action.

“Come on Buck, try and breathe.” Eddie spoke as he hurried to prop up his best friend, maybe boyfriend, to give his lungs the best chance to get air. Maddie came running up as he did. When the coughing stopped they eased Buck back into the pillows, but the younger man preferred to lean against Eddie, which earned a chuckle out of the older man.

“Sorry,” Buck mumbled.

“Nothing to apologize for.” Eddie shook his head.

“Well, since you two seem to have this under control I think I’m going to head out.” Maddie said. She leaned down and gave her brother a kiss on the forehead. “Love you little brother.” She looked at Eddie. “You make sure he sleeps. I’ll be back in the morning.” With a quick goodbye she was gone.

“I guess you got Maddie’s seal of approval.” Buck grinned.

“It would appear so.” Eddie laughed. “But she might take it away if you don’t get some sleep.” Eddie kissed the top of Buck’s head. “So sleep. I’m not going anywhere.”

A few days later they were at the station. The entire 118 crew were eating a late lunch during a shift after a call. Everyone stilling as Buck’s phone rang. They had all spent most of the shift trying to keep Buck’s mind off the fact that the doctor was supposed to call about the test results at anytime. Buck excused himself, Eddie and Bobby following close behind as the youngest firefighter took the call. Eddie muttered a quick prayer. Bobby had been doing the same thing most of the day. Eddie held his breathe as Buck thanked the doctor and hung up. It was silent for a moment.

“What’d they say?” Bobby asked.

“It’s benign.” Buck grinned and was almost knocked over by bone crushing hug from Eddie.

“Good,” Bobby sighed in relief. “That’s great.” He smiled and turned back to the table.

“That’s good, right?” Hen asked. “Our boy’s going to be okay?”

Bobby nodded. “Tumor was benign.” The table erupted in cheers. Bobby pulled his phone out to let his wife know the good news.

“Maddie’s going to be so relieved.” Chim said as he sent Maddie a message to let her know. Bobby looked over to where Buck and Eddie had their foreheads together. The two were in their own little world. Bobby took a moment to appreciate the fact that for now their team was okay. It would take time for Buck’s lungs to heal up and his cough to ease, but it would. The doctors were confident about that. Bobby relaxed into his seat and went back to eating. Hen and Chim quietly discussing the surprise party they were going to throw Buck now that they knew he was going to be okay. They owe him a ‘welcome back/you didn’t die/sorry we were assholes’ party. Bobby shook his head and laughed. Yeah, everything was going to be okay.

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks for reading.  
> And my muses wouldn’t let me be, and apparently if given the proper motivation I can write and edit nearly 5k words in a day. Who knew?  
> Find my work or send me prompts on tumblr at sortofanobsession


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